HI ARDEN:

THAT WAS A GREAT TAPPING SESSION. AFTERWARDS, I REALIZED THAT ALTHOUGH I HAVE BEEN TAPPING FOR SEVERAL YEARS, THERE IS NO SUBSTITUTE FOR HAVING THE COACHING OF SOMEONE WHO IS TRAINED, AND CERTIFIED. ALTHOUGH I HAVE EXPERIENCED ENERGY SHIFTS TAPPING ON MY OWN, THEY WERE RELATIVELY SMALL IN COMPARISON TO THE RESULTS YOU WERE ABLE TO OBTAIN FOR ME. I LOOK FORWARD TO A MAJOR POSITIVE TRANSFORMATION IN MY LIFE.

 

I haven’t posted for a while.  I continue to help people struggling with porn and related problems with great success.  I recently asked a client to put in writing some of the experiences he has had working with me.  Here is his story:

Last Monday and today, Wednesday, I received the greatest hope that I have had in perhaps the last 50 years of my life. Here’s the story:

I have been visiting with Dr. Arden Compton, among other things, about my lust, sexual fantasies, and masturbation addiction. There were a number of things he pointed out to me and did with me: 1) My addiction is not me, but consists of a series of mistakes I have made throughout my life. 2) He reminded me of the book, “Return From Tomorrow” wherein some unclean spirits where seen in vision at a bar desperately trying to take a drink of alcohol but could not. However, when a sailor passed out drunk, an avenue opened up in him to allow these spirits to enter his body and experience the sensation of alcohol. Dr. Compton suggested that the same was with me, that it was not me that was lustful, but that there were unclean spirits using my body to experience their own lust. I could identify with that. Finally, 3) after the session he gave me a priesthood blessing that cast out the unclean spirits.

I had the rest of Monday and most of the day Tuesday in some of the greatest peace I can remember. Nevertheless, I wondered if it would last. Sure enough, on Tuesday night, being an assistant scoutmaster, I was at a Young Men’s/Young Women’s joint activity and one of the Young Women leaders was wearing clothes that exposed her cleavage. Driving home from the meeting I felt the old familiar physical/emotional drive to begin to experience lust. (I am not sure whether the cleavage triggered me, or if I was triggered by a conflict I was having in my mind with my wife.) Remembering what another recovering lust addict had told me two weeks earlier, I raised my right hand and said, “In the name of Jesus Christ, the only begotten of the Father, and by the power of the Holy Priesthood, I command any evil or unclean spirits that want me to experience lust to depart from me.” I waited a minute or so, and sure enough, the drive for lust was gone.

I recall the exact days that lust became a part of my life. The first was when I was 14. It was the first time I had kissed a girl on a date. From then on, all I wanted to do on a date was to “make out.” The second was when I was 20 or so. I was with a girlfriend of 2 years or so. We had “made out” a lot, and sometimes talked of petting but never had. On night she put my hand on her breast. From that moment on all I wanted to do with her was to pet. I distinctly remember to this day that exact moment when petting became a drive with me, whereas before I would not seriously consider it. At some point I had her pet me and I had my first orgasism. From that time on I was off and on masturbating without the ability to stop. When I wanted to go on a mission a year later I was prohibited by the stake president until I stopped, which I could not do. When my bishop found out he gave me a priesthood blessing and the drive to masturbate stopped immediately, and did not return until much later when I again was in a position to allow myself to be influenced.

All these experiences convince me that for 50 years I have been influenced, not by my evil nature, but by an, or some, unclean spirits getting their highs through my body. I am also convinced that it doesn’t always have to be this way. Both Alcoholics Anonymous and Sexaholics Anonymous claim that once an addict, always an addict, and that all we get from the fellowship is a reprieve, one day at a time. Dr. Compton believes otherwise, and I tend to accept his premise. He believes that the power of Christ is enough for us to become completely cured, as long, of course, that we do not invite it back in by conscious choice. I am in hope that with enough effort, and the right guidance, that I will one day soon be no longer a sexaholic but just an ordinary human with defects of character, but not addictions. – Bob from Far West, Utah

Recently  I have had several new clients in a similar situation.  They each have gone a long period of time without looking at porn, and the time between viewing is very long – months or even years.  However, they problem they each have is that the desire to look at pornography is nearly a daily struggle. They have put safe guards in their life, they aren’t allowing themselves to go there, but the cravings still keep coming.

Many feel that is the way it will be for the rest of their life, that this is as good as it is going to get, and this is just the nature of a pornography addiction.  However, my experience has been different.  With each of these new clients they felt a dramatic difference after just one visit. They each reported back that the daily wrestle with pornography cravings have become almost non-existent.  What a tremendous blessing after all this time of staying clean to actually feel clean and not be plagued by this problem any more.

If you are find yourself in this category, please know that with the right tools and God’s help you too can be free from the plague of pornography.  It doesn’t have to be a daily wrestling match.

I haven’t posted on here for a while.  Suffice it to say that I have continued to stay busy helping people with pornography addiction. I love helping people really change. I love it when new clients leave after the first session with a look of hope because we made more progress in one visit than they have experienced in years. I am truly blessed to be involved in this life changing work.

Here is a link to a video I saw with some good quotes about pornography. I hope you find it helpful.

Hi Dr Compton,

I just want to email you to thank you.  All that you have done to help us, it means so much to me. The difference in Tom, I could see it after your first sesson. He told me- “For the first time in my life I know I can overcome my problems” You don’t know how happy and shocked I was to hear those words when  just a week before he told me he wished he never existed and he meant it. I know he still has a long way to go, but still, he has hope, he is more happy, he is less angry and he is less disconnected from me and our daughters.I don’t think I will ever be able to thank you enough but I pray for blessings for you and your family for all of your work and for the charity you have shown us.

Lisa – California

Here is a helpful idea for those struggling with pornography cravings.  I don’t think this will get to the core of what is driving or triggering cravings for pornography, but when this can be helpful if a person tries this with the first impulses of a craving for porn.

When that first impulse or desire for pornography comes up, ask yourself the question, “If I follow this impulse, then what?”

Answer yourself. “I will get to look at a beautiful, exciting, naked girl” (or whatever your answer would be)

Ask yourself, “Then what?”

“Then after a period of time I’ll probably masturbate”

“Then what?”

“Then I’ll climax and I won’t feel the craving to look anymore”

“Then what?”

“Then I’ll feel ashamed of what I’ve done and feel bad?”

“Then what?”

“Then I’ll feel guilty for a while.  I”ll be unhappy with myself for days (or longer). My self esteem will be less.”

“Then what?”

“I won’t feel as confident at work or social situations. My ability to perform at my best all across the board will suffer. I may be afraid that my wife (or parent or someone else significant) will find out about it. My ability to earn will suffer, my relationships will suffer, I won’t feel like praying or approaching God. I won’t feel like being around good, worthy people. I won’t want to go to church. Everything good in my life suffer under the stress of this shameful secret. This is stressful.”

“Then what?” “Then I’ll start craving pornography again because I can’t handle the stress.”

“It isn’t worth it, I think I’ll say a prayer and go jogging to get away from this cycle.”

If a person has the presence of mind to begin asking the “then what” questions at the first impulse of a craving, eventually it becomes clear that this is so destructive and damaging, it isn’t even close to being worth it and the desire to engage in something so harmful lessens.

May God bless all of you who struggle with this.

A pornography addict creates many beliefs that justify this aberrant behavior. Any time we do something that is wrong our ego will find a way to twist things so our wrong seems acceptable or even the right choice to make. Having worked with many porn addicts, I have put together a list of the most common justifying beliefs many addicts share. Read through this list below, and if one or more of these connects with you as being true, apply the EFT process until the belief has shifted and it no longer feels true. If you have any questions or comments on how to do that, feel free to contact me, or check out my book in the “Bookstore” section.
If any of these land true at any level, they need to be cleared or they will push you back to pornography again and again. Simply recognizing a belief is false doesn’t make it go away – you will still be operating on the false belief. Properly applied EFT can shift these beliefs amazingly fast, thus taking away much of what has been driving the addict back again and again. Once these beliefs are cleared, it is much easier to move in a positive direction away from porn.

Beliefs Regarding Pornography:
I need it to survive
I need it to be happy
It gives me value in some way
Sex means love
Sex gives me value
Seeing a naked women/man means I’m loved
If I see a naked woman, I am supposed to look
If I see a naked woman, I have to look
If I see a naked woman, I have to give in
If I see porn I can’t resist
It helps me escape stress
It helps me escape….
It is comforting
It helps me feel loved
It is fun and exciting
Pornography is stronger than me
I can’t overcome it
It’s hopeless to resist pornography
I am an addict so I will always have this problem
Men are supposed to look at porn
The girl in the picture wants to have sex with me
Pornography is my friend
Life is boring without it
The most important thing about a women is her breasts
Illicit sex is more fun
forbidden sex is more exciting
I can’t live without sex
It is justified if I am stressed
It’s OK if no one knows about it
It’s excusable if I’m unhappy
… or if I’m lonely
… or if I’m depressed
It’s OK to look if I accidentally run into it
It’s justified if I’m bored
…. or if things aren’t going well
… or if I’m really frustrated (or angry, irritated, feel rejected, etc)
It’s OK if it’s just soft porn
It’s excusable if it is going to be the “last time” I watch it

Here is an excellent article by Gordon B. Hinckley on the divine nature and worth of women. When we see women as God sees them, there is no way we can engage in pornography. Initially he makes reference to the recent death of his wife, and then expounds on the importance of women.

October, 2004
“My brethren and sisters, at the outset, if you will bear with me, I wish to exercise a personal privilege. Six months ago, at the close of our conference, I stated that my beloved companion of 67 years was seriously ill. She passed away two days later. It was April 6, a significant day to all of us of this Church. I wish to thank publicly the dedicated doctors and wonderful nurses who attended her during her final illness.

My children and I were at her bedside as she slipped peacefully into eternity. As I held her hand and saw mortal life drain from her fingers, I confess I was overcome. Before I married her, she had been the girl of my dreams, to use the words of a song then popular. She was my dear companion for more than two-thirds of a century, my equal before the Lord, really my superior. And now in my old age, she has again become the girl of my dreams.

Immediately following her passing there was a tremendous outpouring of love from across the world. Great quantities of beautiful floral offerings were sent. Large contributions were made in her name to the Perpetual Education Fund and her academic chair at Brigham Young University. There were literally hundreds of letters. We have boxes filled with them from many we know and from very many we do not know. They all express admiration for her and sympathy and love for us whom she left behind.

We regret that we have been unable to respond individually to these many expressions. So I now take this occasion to thank you every one for your great kindness toward us. Thank you so very, very much, and please excuse our failure to reply. The task was beyond our capacity, but your expressions have shed an aura of comfort in our time of grief.

I am grateful to be able to say that in our long life together I cannot remember a serious quarrel. Small differences occasionally, yes, but nothing of a serious nature. I believe our marriage has been as idyllic as anyone’s could possibly be.

I recognize that many of you are similarly blessed, and I compliment you most warmly, for when all is said and done there is no association richer than the companionship of husband and wife, and nothing more portentous for good or evil than the unending consequences of marriage.

I see those consequences constantly. I see both beauty and tragedy. And so I have chosen to say a few words today on the women in our lives.

I begin with the Creation of the world.

We read in the book of Genesis and in the book of Moses of that great, singular, and remarkable undertaking. The Almighty was the architect of that creation. Under His direction it was executed by His Beloved Son, the Great Jehovah, who was assisted by Michael, the archangel.

There came first the forming of heaven and earth, to be followed by the separation of the light from the darkness. The waters were removed from the land. Then came vegetation, followed by the animals. There followed the crowning creation of man. Genesis records that “God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good” (Gen. 1:31).

But the process was not complete.

“For Adam there was not found an help meet for him.

“And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;

“And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.

“And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman” (Gen. 2:20–23).

And so Eve became God’s final creation, the grand summation of all of the marvelous work that had gone before.

Notwithstanding this preeminence given the creation of woman, she has so frequently through the ages been relegated to a secondary position. She has been put down. She has been denigrated. She has been enslaved. She has been abused. And yet some few of the greatest characters of scripture have been women of integrity, accomplishment, and faith.

We have Esther, Naomi, and Ruth of the Old Testament. We have Sariah of the Book of Mormon. We have Mary, the very mother of the Redeemer of the world. We have her as the chosen of God, described by Nephi as “a virgin, most beautiful and fair above all other virgins” (1 Ne. 11:15).

She it was who carried the child Jesus into Egypt to save His life from the wrath of Herod. She it was who nurtured Him in His boyhood and young manhood. She stood before Him when His pain-wracked body hung upon the cross on Calvary’s hill. In His suffering He said to her, “Woman, behold thy son!” And to His disciple in a plea that he care for her, He said, “Behold thy mother!” (John 19:26–27).

Crossing through His life we have Mary and Martha, and Mary of Magdala. She it was who came to the tomb that first Easter morning. And to her, a woman, He first appeared as the resurrected Lord. Why is it that even though Jesus placed woman in a position of preeminence, so many men who profess His name fail to do so?

In His grand design, when God first created man, He created a duality of the sexes. The ennobling expression of that duality is found in marriage. One individual is complementary to the other. As Paul stated, “Neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord” (1 Cor. 11:11).

There is no other arrangement that meets the divine purposes of the Almighty. Man and woman are His creations. Their duality is His design. Their complementary relationships and functions are fundamental to His purposes. One is incomplete without the other.

I recognize that we have many wonderful women among us who do not have the opportunity of marriage. But they, too, make such a tremendous contribution. They serve the Church faithfully and ably. They teach in the organizations. They stand as officers.

I witnessed a very interesting thing the other day. The General Authorities were in a meeting, and the presidency of the Relief Society were there with us. These able women stood in our council room and shared with us principles of welfare and of helping those who are in distress. Our stature as officers of this Church was not diminished by what they did. Our capacities to serve were increased.

There are some men who, in a spirit of arrogance, think they are superior to women. They do not seem to realize that they would not exist but for the mother who gave them birth. When they assert their superiority they demean her. It has been said, “Man can not degrade woman without himself falling into degradation; he can not elevate her without at the same time elevating himself” (Alexander Walker, in Elbert Hubbard’s Scrap Book [1923], 204).

How very true that is. We see the bitter fruit of that degradation all about us. Divorce is one of its results. This evil runs rampant through our society. It is the outcome of disrespect for one’s marriage partner. It manifests itself in neglect, in criticism, in abuse, in abandonment. We in the Church are not immune from it.

Jesus declared, “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Matt. 19:6).

The word man is used in the generic sense, but the fact is that it is predominantly men who bring about the conditions that lead to divorce.

After dealing with hundreds of divorce situations through the years, I am satisfied that the application of a single practice would do more than all else to solve this grievous problem.

If every husband and every wife would constantly do whatever might be possible to ensure the comfort and happiness of his or her companion, there would be very little, if any, divorce. Argument would never be heard. Accusations would never be leveled. Angry explosions would not occur. Rather, love and concern would replace abuse and meanness.

There was a popular song we sang many years ago, the lyrics of which said:

I want to be happy,
But I won’t be happy
Till I make you happy, too.
(Irving Caesar, “I Want to Be Happy” [1924])
How true this is.

Every woman is a daughter of God. You cannot offend her without offending Him. I plead with the men of this Church to look for and nurture the divinity that lies within their companions. To the degree that happens, there will be harmony, peace, enrichment of family life, nurturing love.

Well did President McKay remind us that “no other success [in life] can compensate for failure in the home” (quoted from J. E. McCulloch, Home: The Savior of Civilization [1924], 42; in Conference Report, Apr. 1935, 116).

Likewise, the truth of which President Lee reminded us: “The [greatest] work you will ever do will be within the walls of your own home” (“Maintain Your Place as a Woman,” Ensign, Feb. 1972, 51).

The cure for most marital troubles does not lie in divorce. It lies in repentance and forgiveness, in expressions of kindness and concern. It is to be found in application of the Golden Rule.

It is a scene of great beauty when a young man and a young woman join hands at the altar in a covenant before God that they will honor and love one another. Then how dismal the picture when a few months later, or a few years later, there are offensive remarks, mean and cutting words, raised voices, bitter accusations.

It need not be, my dear brothers and sisters. We can rise above these mean and beggarly elements in our lives (see Gal. 4:9). We can look for and recognize the divine nature in one another, which comes to us as children of our Father in Heaven. We can live together in the God-given pattern of marriage in accomplishing that of which we are capable if we will exercise discipline of self and refrain from trying to discipline our companion.

The women in our lives are creatures endowed with particular qualities, divine qualities, which cause them to reach out in kindness and with love to those about them. We can encourage that outreach if we will give them opportunity to give expression to the talents and impulses that lie within them. In our old age my beloved companion said to me quietly one evening, “You have always given me wings to fly, and I have loved you for it.”

I once knew a man who has since passed on but who insisted on making all of the decisions for his wife and children. They could not buy a pair of shoes without him. They could not take a piano lesson. They could not serve in the Church without his consent. I have since witnessed the outcome of that attitude, and that outcome is not good.

My father never hesitated to compliment my mother. We children knew that he loved her because of the way he treated her. He deferred to her. And I shall ever be profoundly grateful for his example. Many of you have been blessed likewise.

Now I might go on but it is not necessary. I wish only to give emphasis to the great, salient truth that we are all children of God, both sons and daughters, brothers and sisters.

As a father, do I love my daughters less than I love my sons? No. If I am guilty of any imbalance, it is in favor of my girls. I have said that when a man gets old he had better have daughters about him. They are so kind and good and thoughtful. I think I can say that my sons are able and wise. My daughters are clever and kind. And “my cup runneth over” (Ps. 23:5) because of this.

Women are such a necessary part of the plan of happiness which our Heavenly Father has outlined for us. That plan cannot operate without them.

Brethren, there is too much of unhappiness in the world. There is too much of misery and heartache and heartbreak. There are too many tears shed by grieving wives and daughters. There is too much negligence and abuse and unkindness.

God has given us the priesthood, and that priesthood cannot be exercised, “only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; by kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile” (D&C 121:41–42).

How thankful I am, how thankful we all must be, for the women in our lives. God bless them. May His great love distill upon them and crown them with luster and beauty, grace and faith. And may His Spirit distill upon us as men and lead us ever to hold them in respect, in gratitude, giving encouragement, strength, nurture, and love, which is the very essence of the gospel of our Redeemer and Lord. For this I humbly pray, in the sacred name of Jesus Christ, amen.”

t is very common for a person struggling with pornography to have certain situations that trigger him to look at pornography even when he hasn’t been craving it. Certain situations will trigger him to go to pornography almost automatically without thinking about it.

Recently a gentleman I have been working with was triggered when left alone with a friends Ipod Touch. He was sitting alone in a room, people were in other areas of the home on the computer and t.v., porn wasn’t available there. His friend had gone to run some errands and left the ipod Touch with him so he could listen to some music. He wasn’t initially aware that the ipod Touch had internet access, but as he played around with it a little bit, he discovered he could go online. Upon this realization, he immediately wanted to look at pornography where moments before it hadn’t even been on his mind. So, he looked up some porn, viewed for about ten minutes, and then kicked himself for being so stupid.

As I visited with him a few days later, I told them this was a typical example of being triggered, similar to be triggered when you enter a restroom to suddenly need to relieve your bladder… even if you just went in to wash your hands. To help dismantle this trigger so this didn’t happen again, I had him take my iphone, which looks a lot like an ipod Touch, and visualize himself in that room realizing he had unrestricted internet access while he looked at my iphone. As he did so, he reported that the desire for porn kicked up to about a 4 or 5 on a scale of 0-10. (The rest of this post assumes you have some knoweldge of EFT, if you don’t, take a look at the tabs on the top of the blog to introduce you to the basic process, that way the rest of this will make sense to you.) So, I had him set the iphone on a table where he could focus on it as we tapped. I coached him through a round of tapping that went something like this:

Side of hand: Even though I want to view pornography on this ipod, I still love and accept myself, even though this ipod triggered a desire for pornography, I still love and accept myself, even though porn is available, I have unrestricted internet access, no one is here, no one will know, and I can just go and enjoy it with no negative consequences, I still love and forgive myself.
Top of head: This trigger
Eyebrow: everything in this scenario that triggered the pleasure center of my brain
Side of eye:This trigger… having unrestricted internet access
Under eye: This trigger… no one will know
Under nose: This trigger… it is available right now right here in front of me
Chin: This trigger… I can’t resist this opportunity
Collar bone: This trigger… I wonder what I will get to see
Under arm: This trigger… if I don’t look I will regret it and always wonder what I missed
Below breast: This trigger… porn is just a few taps away and there is nothing standing in the way
Positive reframes
Side of hand: I choose to delete this trigger
Top of head: I delete all the triggers in this scenario
Eyebrow: I delete the trigger of unrestricted internet access with nothing standing in the way
Side of eye: I delete the triggers in the pleasure center of my brain
Under eye: I see myself staying in control
Under nose: I see myself remembering the true consequences of porn
Chin: A part of me thinks I’ll regret not looking, I’ll wonder what I missed
Collar bone: But the truth is I will really regret it if I look, and I already know what I will see. I won’t see anything new – it will be the same old stuff that poisons me and fills me with shame and guilt.
Under arm: I delete these triggers from every part of my being. I ask my body to respond to the truth
Below breast: I see myself easily turning away, not even wanting to touch the filth. Why would I go to something that is so dark… that just fills my soul with darkness.

I then had him refocus on the iphone, picturing himself looking at the ipod Touch sitting in that room. He now said the desire to look was down to a 2. I asked him to finish the phrase: “The main reason I still want to look is because…” he finished with, “I’m curious about what I will see.” So we tapped,

Side of hand: Even though I am still curious about what I will see, I still love and accept myself.
Top of head: This curiosity
Eyebrow: I wonder if I will see a really good looking girl
Side of eye: Some really good looking girls with no clothes on are waiting for me
Under eye: These girls are going to be excited to see me
Under nose: I don’t want to keep them waiting
Collar bone: They all want to have sex with me, and I can’t wait to have sex with them
Under arm: But the truth is there are no girls there
Below breast: The truth is those girls don’t care about me
Top of Head: I dismiss this curiosity, I know that what I see will end up hurting me
Eye brow: It is like a shiny lure on a fish hook – and Satan wants me to bite so he can yank my soul down to hell
Side of eye: I don’t need to be curious about that shiny lure – I’ve taken the bait before, I choose to remember the consequences of guilt, shame, regret, depression, loss of self-worth
Under eye: Why should I be curious about something that does that to me
Under nose: No matter how good looking the girls will be, they are not worth
Chin: I don’t need to see what they look like, I’m better of not looking
Collar bone: I’m better off staying clean, free of guilt, and feeling good about myself.

After this round of tapping, his curiosity was a zero, he felt no arousal as he looked at my iphone and pictured himself in that room. I then had him open the internet browser on my phone, and type in a search term. He typed in, “sexy girls,” but did not start the search. I asked him if typing in “sexy girls” triggered him in any way. He said he felt arousal and excitement at about a 3 or 4. So, we tapped through this trigger:
Side of hand: Even though typing in “Sexy Girls” triggers me with excitement and arousal, I still love and accept myself – (repeat 3 times)
We then went through the other points with the reminder phrase “typing in sexy girls” and ended with statements like: “I choose to delete this trigger, no matter how sexy those girls are, they are poison. They are like chocolate covered manure – they seem good but are really disgusting.”

We continued to identify other triggers in this scenario – I don’t have time to retype the whole session. The point is that with thorough detective work, the triggers can all be identified and cleared so that the triggers really are dismantled, and the next time the person is in that situation, the triggers simply are not there. In clearing this addiction, one of the keys is identifying all the triggers and eliminating them. If a person still has cravings, or has a relapse, then there is more detective work to be done. Don’t give up until there simply is no more desire for pornography. With consistent effort, most of the time this can be done in 2 or 3 months, sometimes even sooner – everyone is unique.

If you have any comments or questions, feel free to reply or contact me.