Posted by: Arden Compton | April 28, 2009

Pornography Addiction – brunette trigger & other justifications

The content of this post assumes you have some knowledge of EFT.   I encourage you to visit the video tabs and other information at the top of the blog about how EFT works.  That way the blog posts much more helpful for you.

This morning I was visiting with a man who had his fourth visit in two weeks, and it had been a week since he last came in.  He had not viewed any pornography, and found it relatively easy to refrain from looking at it.  On a scale of 0-10, the strongest the desire to look had been was just a 4, and that was only once when he saw an add on his hotmail account for a dating service, and there was a pretty girl that was not entirely modest posing for the add.  I asked him if he thought about her now if he would felt any trigger, and he said he still felt triggered at around a 2 out of 10.  I asked him what it was about her that triggered him, and he said, “Because she is pretty.”

So, we tapped through this with EFT, focusing on the desire to see more because she was pretty.  Positive reframes included ideas like, “Even though she is pretty, she isn’t worth it, and it is pointless to get excited about her, she’s just an image.”  After that round of tapping I asked him to visualize the ad again, and he said there was something about her because she was a brunette.  He had mentioned brunette’s before, and it dawned on my that brunette’s were a trigger for him.  So I had him say the statement, “I can’t resist looking at a good looking brunette.”  He said that felt true, so we put that into a set-up phrase and tapped it out, with positive reframes including the idea that he could resist good looking brunette’s, and his current girlfriend was a good looking brunette he would be faithful to.  After tapping that out, he said the phrase, “I can’t resist looking at a good looking brunette” no longer felt true.  Then I had him say the phrase, “good looking brunettes are irresistable.  He was surprised to find that statement landed somewhat true, even though it was so similar to one we just addressed.  So we put that statement into the set-up phrase and tapped it out.  Positive reframes included the idea that he would stay in control of his response, instead of letting the hair color of the girl determine his response.  After that he said the statement “good looking brunettes are irresistable” no longer remained true.  

It was important to identify this trigger, because it would just be a matter of time before another good looking brunette crossed his path and triggered him. Now the trigger has been addressed.  We will find out on his next visit if he has found any triggers out there tied to brunettes.

At this point I asked him if he could think of any pornographic image that would have any intensity to it.  He said he remembered visiting a cousin around age 12, and there was a Playboy magazine some college kids had left where they found it.  The image on the front cover triggered him to about  4/10.  So we tapped on, “Wanting to see this girl and look inside the magazine.”  After a round of tapping, the intensity went from a 4 to a 2.  I asked him why he still felt intensity, and he said it was because they stumbled across it, so it was OK to look.  I had him say the statement, “I’ve stumbled across it, so it is OK to look.”  I asked him how true that felt, and he said it felt true somewhere between 6-8.  So, we tapped on the phrase, “I’ve stumbled across it, so it is OK to look.”  Positive reframes included, “Just because I stumbled across it doesn’t mean it is OK to look.  Just because I stumbled across it doesn’t mean I am innocent if I continue to look.  I choose to remain innocent by looking away.”  The intensity of this dropped from a 6-8 down to a 3.  

Then he said there was something about it being OK if it is going to be the last time.  So, I had him say the phrase, “It’s OK to look if it is going to be the last time.”  He said that felt true at about a 9/10.  So, we tapped on that phrase, brining in positive affirmations, “It is not OK to look no matter what.  I choose to make the last time the last time, there will be no more last times.  Pornography is filthy, why would I want to go there one last time?”  He said the truthfulness of the statement dropped from a 9 to a 3.  I asked him it still felt a little true, and he said, “Because I really won’t do it after.”   So we put that into the set-up phrase and tapped it out, brining in positive affirmations, “Since I really won’t do it after, I won’t do it now.  To prove that I won’t do it again, I am going to start now by not looking again.  This rationalization will keep me looking again and again, it is part of what keeps me trapped.  I’m turning away from pornography now.”  After that he said the intensity of that dropped to a zero.

Then we went back to the statement, “I’ve stumbled across it, so it is OK,” that was still landing at about a 3/10.  I asked him why it was still OK, and he said, “Because I didn’t seek it.”  So, we put that into the set-up phrase.  “It’s OK to look at pornography if I stumble across it because I didn’t seek it.”  We tapped that out, and brought in positive affirmations, “Just because I didn’t seek it doesn’t mean it is OK to look.  I don’t somehow remain innocent because I didn’t seek it.  If I come across a mud puddle on accident, I’m clean until I step in, once I step in, it doesn’t matter that I wasn’t seeking it, I’m still filthy because I chose to step in.”  He said the intensity of this dropped to a zero, it is not OK to look even if I stumble across it.

These were all rationalizations and justifications his ego had used in the past to make his wrong choice seem right.  As we discovered them and addressed them with EFT, they quickly faded in the light of the truth.  Talking about them is a good first step, but when we tap focusing on them, they no longer feel true, and that makes a huge difference!

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