Posted by: Arden Compton | May 18, 2009

Pornography Addiction and Self-Deception

Pornography addicts are constantly deceiving themselves about what is going on. We deceive ourselves when we convince ourselves of something that isn’t so. It is a common phenomenon among all people, we are so good at deceiving ourselves that we are not aware we are doing it – otherwise we wouldn’t have been deceived. We tend to do it when we make a mistake, or do something we initially had some sense that we should not do. As soon as we go against what we know we should (or should not have) done, a part of us I will call “ego” begins working on a way to twist things so that our wrong choice was somehow OK. For instance, a simple example might be running a red light. If I run a red light and my wife exclaims, “You just ran a red light!” I might respond by saying, “Well, it was just barely red,” or “I didn’t have time to stop.” Without even thinking about it I try to find a way to stay the good guy and not really have done something wrong. This is a simple example of what we all do day to day if we pay attention to it.

Pornography addicts become pros at finding ways to make their wrong choice seem OK, not so bad, or even what should be done. Without becoming aware of it, many of them come up with a long list of justifications, rationalizations, excuses, and reasons why it is OK to look at pornography. This seems to ease the burden of guilt, and their ego is satisfied that the person is still right in looking. Some of these might include:

Pornography is OK if…

I’m stressed
No one knows about it
I’m unhappy
I’m lonely
I’m depressed
I accidentally run into it
It wasn’t my fault
I’m bored
I’m a sex addict
Things are not going well
I’m really frustrated (or angry, or irritated, etc.)
I was looking in a non-porn location – fashion magazine, etc.
It’s just soft porn
I’ve been/feel rejected
Someone else shows it to me
If it is going to be the “last time” I watch it
I’m a man, that is what men do – I’m supposed to look.
Once I start I can’t stop
It is stronger than me
Once I see it I can’t control myself

All of these are beliefs that deceive the addict and lead them to just keep looking at pornography. With EFT, once we identify the rationalization, the addict can focus on it while going through the tapping points, and the rationalization quickly fades in the light of the truth. Time after time former addicts report that the justification just seemed stupid and the desire for pornography was significantly less without this in place keeping them stuck.

Another way pornography addicts deceive themselves is that they get all excited about a picture of a girl, but there is no girl there. With all this arousal and no girl to have sex with, most of them will masturbate. A part of their brain will record the experience in a way that leads to believe they just had sex with this really good looking girl. Consciously they know they didn’t, but on some level they think they did. So, they deceive themselves by being excited about a girl that isn’t there, and they deceive themselves into feeling they had sex with the girl that wasn’t there. It is all a bunch of smoke and mirrors. I find it very common Once we identify these aspects and tap on them with EFT, these mirages also quickly fade in the light of truth, and the desire for pornography grows weaker still.

If you have any comments or questions, feel free comment.


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