Posted by: Arden Compton | May 27, 2009

Are you really ready to give up pornography & masturbation?

This post assumes you have some understanding of EFT.  If not, I encourage you to review the video and other introductory tabs at the top of the blog so this post will be more helpful for you.  If you have any questions or comments, feel free to comment?


 Today I visited with someone who has had more relapses than what I am used to seeing, and is taking longer to get past this than most I am used to seeing.  I have been working with him just over two months, and he has days where there is no desire and no triggers, and then days when he doesn’t seem to know what is happening before he is looking again.  This is very uncharacteristic of people I work with.  I actually texted him yesterday asking him how he was doing, and he told me had had a problem.  So, as I considered his situation before his appointment, and wondered the best thing to do, what came to me was that he wasn’t ready to give it up, to really give up this pleasure in his life. 

So, as he came in this morning and I asked him  about what he thought was going on, he said he had felt “tired of trying” which had led him to give in easier.  Again, this is very uncharacteristic of people I work with.  So, I had him say the phrase, “I am ready to give up pornography.”  After he said it I asked him it felt true or not.  He said it did not feel true.  I told him this is probably one of the reasons he had had so many relapses, while on one hand he wanted to be free of this, and knows it isn’t good for him, on the other hand a part of him isn’t ready to give it up.  

I asked him to finish the phrase, “The reason I’m not ready to give it up is because…” and it said, “It gives me something to do.”

I took that into account, and then I asked him to see how this phrase lands, “I’m not ready to give it up because I enjoy it too much.”  He said that landed true at about a 5/10.  

This young man is getting to ready to serve an L.D.S. mission so I thought I would have him try the statement, “I want to enjoy it for as long as I can before I have to give it up.”  He also said that landed true at around a 7 or 8.  

I then had him say the statement, “I enjoy pornography,” and he said that landed true at about an 8. 

I reminded him, carefully, so I did not come across judgmental or harsh, that to willfully sin is a slap in the face to Christ who suffered for his sins.  When we choose to sin, in essence we are saying to Christ, “I don’t care how much pain my sins cost you, I’m going to do it anyway.” He humbly agreed.

So, then we began tapping, starting with what we came up with last, our set-up statement being, “Even though I enjoy pornography, I still love and accept myself.”  We went through the tapping points focusing on how much he enjoyed, it.  While tapping I had him finish the phrase, “I enjoy pornography if…” and paused and said, “If I’m tired.”  We repeated that a few times moving through the points.  Then I said, “I enjoy pornography when…” and he finished by saying, “ when I’m lonely.”  We repeated that a few times tapping through the points.  Then I said, “Enjoy pornography because…” and he finished with, “because it’s fun.”  We repeated that a few times tapping through the points.  Then I shifted to statements that emphasized ways pornography was not enjoyable.  Such as, “It is really an embarrassing problem.  When I think that Christ sweat blood for every time I’ve looked at pornography, it isn’t really enjoyable.  Once I’m really clean, it won’t be enjoyable to get myself dirty.  I’m really ashamed of this, how could it be truly enjoyable?  This isn’t joy, this is sexual arousal I’m calling joy.  This isn’t the joy God wants me to have, and it isn’t the right time for sexual arousal.”

After that he said the statement, “I enjoy pornography,” dropped from an 8 to a 4.  I asked him why it was still enjoyable.  The first thing that came to mind was, “It is exciting to masturbate in different positions thinking about girls.”  I have in my desk a post-card size advertisement from Prevention Magazine, it was an ad for a program to help women flatten their tummies, and on the post card is a picture of a girl in a bikini who has a nice figure, and a very flat tummy.  I showed him this post card and asked him if it triggered a desire to look.  He said it did, at about a 6.  So, I kept the post card on a clip board in front of him, and we tapped on this desire to look at her.  After that I asked him if the desire to look felt any different.  He said it really didn’t feel any different.  So, I had him repeat the set-up statement really emphasizing the word ‘accept’ in the set-up statement, “Even though I want to look at this girl, I still love and ACCEPT myself”  We repeated that 4 times, and then we stopped, we did not go through the rest of the points.  I asked him if the desire to look was any different, and he was surprised to find that his desire to look had dropped, it came down to about a 3.  I asked him why he still wanted to look, and he said it was “because of the immodesty.”  So, we tapped, even though I want to look at the girl in the bikini because of the immodesty, I still love and accept myself”  We tapped through the points, focusing on her immodesty, the whole time I kept the picture up where he could see it.  Once we were done tapping, he said his desire to look at her dropped down to about a 1.  I asked him why he still wanted to look, and he wasn’t sure.  So I offered, “I still want to look at her because I can almost see her breasts.”  He agreed that landed true, so we tapped through the points again repeating, “I want to look because I can almost see her breasts….and I’m hoping to see the rest.”  After that he said the desire to look had dropped to a zero.  I then had him imagine a girl in a wet-tee-shirt, the desire to see her was about a 2.  With one round of tapping that dropped to zero.  I then sat next to him, opened up my lap-top, and in the search engine typed in “girls”.  I asked him if that triggered anything.  He said it triggered “a hope that something might come up.”  So we tapped on, “Even though I hope something might come up when I do a search for “girls”, I still love and accept myself.  Our reminder phrase was, “Hoping something will come up.”  After that the word girls in the search bar triggered nothing.  I entered the “girls” search and a listing of different websites came up.  One had a thumb nail picture of a girl, which didn’t really show anything, and some reference to nude teens.  That triggered him with curiosity at about a 4.  So, we tapped on, “Even though I curious to see nude teens, I still love and accept myself.”  Our reminder phrase was, “curious,” with variations being, “if I don’t look I’ll wonder what I am missing…just what do these nude teens look like…. I just want to see what they look like.”  Positive reframes included, “I’m better off not looking at these nude teens, I shouldn’t look, I choose to stand on higher ground and look away.”

He then said the site with nude teens had no pull on it.  We scrolled down a little further, and there was a site about wild girls, he said the pull on it was about a 2.  He focused on that while we tapped through the points, after which he said it no longer had any pull.  We continued to scroll through pages of titles, but none of them had any pull at this point.

I then went back to the statement, “it’s exciting to masturbate thinking about girls,” and he said it only landed true at about a 2.  So, put that into our set-up phrase, “It’s exciting to masturbate thinking about girls,” emphasizing how exciting it is, but then countering with positive reframes that such as, “I am just deceiving myself.  By masturbating thinking about these girls, looking at these girls, a part of me thinks I m having sex with these girls.  What a bunch of bologna.  This is completely inappropriate, a slap in Christ’s face.  The natural man within me thinks this is exciting.  I ask the natural man to yield to the spirit and see this is perverted.  This is not how God intended sex to be – a man alone with himself pretending he is with a women.  God wants me to wait for my wife.  I choose to wait for my wife and enjoy sex after we are married.”  I then had him check the phrase “It’s exciting to masturbate thinking about girls,” and he said that did seem true at all.

I then had him check the statements, “I enjoy pornography because its fun,” “I enjoy pornography if I’m tired,” and,  “I enjoy pornography when I’m lonely.”   All of these landed false now.  But when I said the phrase, “I enjoy pornography,” it still landed true at a 1, and the reason that came to him was, “because it gives me something to do,” which was what he said at the beginning of our visit.  So, we tapped on, “Even though I enjoy pornography because it gives me something to do, I still love and accept myself.”  We tapped on all the way it was the only thing to do, and there was nothing else to do except this.  We countered with ideas that there are so many good, wholesome things to be doing, so many things he could be involved with that would him grow and progress and help make the world a better place, it was a waste of time to go to pornography.  After that round of tapping he said the phrase, “I enjoy pornography,” no longer landed true.

I then went back to the statement we said at the beginning, “I am ready to give up pornography.”  He said it felt a lot better, but there was still some hesitation.  He could not identify the hesitation.  So, I said the phrase, “I just can’t give it up completely.”  He said that felt a little bit true.  So we tapped on, “Even though I just can’t give it up completely, I still love and accept myself.”  We went through the points focusing on how it had been a part of him for six years, and there was no way to give it up completely, he would always have this, and it would always be a part of him now.  We countered with ideas like, “It is Satan that wants me to think I can never give it up completely.  He wants me to think this is a part of me, but it isn’t, it is just what I have been doing.  I choose to see myself six months from now, going on an L.D.S., mission, having been clean for six months, looking back on today as the day I was finally done with this problem.  I see myself 5 years from now, not having any problem, looking back on today as the day I was finally over it all.  I see myself 10 years from now, married with children, looking back on today as THE day, the last time I looked was the last time.”  I then had him say the phrase, “I can give it up completely.”  He said that felt true.  I had him say the phrase, “I am ready to give up pornography.”  He indicated that now felt true.  I went to the first thing he said, “I’m tired of trying.”  At the beginning “Tired of trying” felt true at a 7 or 8, but now it didn’t register at all.  

So, he left with great hope and optimism, feeling very empowered.  I sensed genuine change in his demeanor.  I have seen this before, and set our next appointment for two weeks away, because I don’t think he’ll have any problems.  However, he is going to send me a short text daily about how is doing, and if there is any concern, we’ll do a quick phone session to keep things in check along the way.  

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