Posted by: Arden Compton | August 13, 2009

Pornography – Why do you keep going back to it?

An interesting aspect is that men keep going back to it, even though they may recognize it is a harmful influence in their life.  Even though it may be ruining their marriage, even though it may be putting their job at risk, even though it may be putting every genuinely good in their life at risk.  Simply telling a person “Don’t do that any more – can’t you see it is ruining your life?” doesn’t take away the urge and the craving for pornography.

We can look at brain chemistry and see that the brain has become chemically dependent on pornography to produce the chemicals needed to feel good.  This is not my area of expertise, although I am very aware this is a very real aspect of the addiction. What I find surprising is how effective EFT is at addressing that which keeps pulling a person back to pornography.  I find that when I ask a person what it is that pornography does for them, they will usually indicate that it is helping them deal with some negative issue in their life.  It could be an escape from stress, rejection, or any number of negative emotions.  It could be the way to find excitement in an otherwise boring life.  It could be a way to find sexual intimacy in the life of man who has no woman in his life. The addict might perceive it helps him feel loved, accepted, and wanted. It might seem to increase his feelings of self worth.  The list could go on and on.  The point is, the perception is that it is filling some basic emotional need.

However, the truth always boils down to the fact it is doing none of those things. In fact, whatever problem it seems that viewing pornography is helping, once the pornography rush has worn off, actually is worse. The man who thinks it is filling his need for sexual intimacy is actually making genuine intimacy less likely. While in the middle of a pornography experience  doubts of one’s self worth might seem to disappear, but once reality settles back in, now the addict doubts his self worth even more. If he thought it helped him feel loved, accepted and wanted, once the rush is gone, the addict feels less of each of these.  All across the board as I have coached those struggling with pornography, it is so ironic to find that whatever their main reason they were going back to it was, just the opposite was happening. But since it seemed like it helped, and since the effect of pornography on brain chemistry is so strong, the addict just keeps going back again and again, becoming ever more dependent on that which is destroying his life.

The amazing thing to me is how quickly this can all change with properly applied EFT.  With EFT, as we focus on the reasons a person is continually going back to EFT, for some reason the brain seems to get it. If you just tell someone these facts, the cravings don’t change.  But if you tap through this with EFT, the cravings do change, very quickly. At this point, I am honestly at a loss as to why EFT is able to change brain chemistry so quickly.  I just see that it does, because real life results show me that it does.  I don’t know how many men I have helped who were on the brink of disaster because they could not stop themselves from returning to pornography.  But within a relatively short period of time being coached with EFT, they have no more desire to back to pornography.  Will power is no longer a problem, because they really don’t want it.  What an amazing tool.  I am so grateful to be able to help people break free from the bondage of pornography addiction.

If you have any questions or comments, feel free to add a comment to this or other posts, or send me an email.

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