Posted by: Arden Compton | April 23, 2014

Are you craving love?

Often when a person has an addictive craving, they may not be craving what they think they are craving. For instance, I was recently coaching a man with an alcohol addiction. We were using EFT to address different aspects of his addictive cravings. His cravings dropped from an 8, down to a 5, then down to a 3. We did a few round of EFT and it stayed at a three. As I asked him a few more questions, he mentioned how he and a good friend would often get together and have a beer while doing other activities. This was a special friend, someone he had a close connection to. Time spent with this friend were some of the best times he could remember. A couple of years ago employment took this friend to another area, and he didn’t have another close friend like that. It turns out that one of the things he was craving was friendship. Sine he and he often almost always had a beer in hand, his brain associated the feelings of love and acceptance that came from the friendship with the beer. So, now to fill the friendship void in his life he turns to beer… and he feels better for a window of time, but beer is never able to fill the void. But since it felt better for a little while, and his brain still associates friendship, love, and acceptance with beer, he keeps returning to the beer for friendship. Once something like this is exposed, it seems crazy that a person would turn to beer to fill the need for love and friendship, but it happens all the time. I see it happening with different addictions to food, sweets, pornography, and tobacco. Somehow the brain connects love and acceptance to a substance or behavior, and since everyone wants love and acceptance, the addict just keeps going back for more.

If you are struggling with an addiction think about it. This isn’t universal, but very common. Once you can discover the connection, with EFT it is easily cleared so your brain doesn’t keep telling you to turn to your addiction for love and acceptance. Then a person is free to make healthy connections with real people, and with God, and find the love and acceptance they really need.

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Responses

  1. I don’t know if it’s possible to respond but I really liked this post. I think I really agree with it. I am a sexual addict and i’ve noticed i do so much better when I have consistent connection in my life. I’ve struggled with this because in doing SA, the white book seems to pressure me in no dating and nothing with girls. But associating with real girls lately has been helpful. You ought to do a post on dating and recovery and addiction. Many of us single guys really struggle on ‘what is good enough’. Many of us, in our late 20’s or 30’s (i’m 29) feel that we just aren’t going to pull off any sort of relationship unless we’re completely clean and sober and recovered. But that line never seems to be reached. thanks,Kevin

    Date: Wed, 23 Apr 2014 14:31:03 +0000 To: twobie@hotmail.com

    • Thanks for your comment Kevin. I appreciate your insight. FYI, I was 29 and had about given up on dating when I met my wife, so have hope!. There is a healthy balance that needs present in relationships. Having a healthy relationship can do so much good for a person, but at the same time you don’t want to become “dependent” on that person for your happiness. I will consider writing a post as your requested on dating and addiction recovery. If I can be of service to you in your addiction recovery, don’t hesitate to ask for help. I connect on skype with people all over the planet and give people the tools they need to truly become free. God bless you in all that you do! – Arden


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